Week 52 // How I Learned To Love My Mistake (Out For Blood)

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Jesse Mitchell Lindsey
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Every single night
Feeling restless
I been eager to turn the tide
Truly petrified
Perhaps anesthetized to the way I’ve been
No interest in my time
I longed to change the stakes
So cruel in my young age
I dreamed of dulcet days un-mired in malaise
It’s how I came to love
It’s how I learned to love
It’s how I learned to love and live with my mistake

Dreaming of life
That shit’ll get to you

It’s relentless
Lord it’s endless
It’s out for blood
And it cares for you
It can tear through you
It’s out for blood
You can see through it
You believe in it
It’s in your blood
And it’s after you
It’s all that you can do
You’re out for blood

And in your horoscope
You probably read about the ways
To justify the way you felt so strange
And learned to cope
And what an awful joke
But one to take to heart
So plain the way it spoke
And I was sitting there
Just thinking about the past
And the important ways it up and changed and couldn’t last
I really shouldn’t laugh

And who would have thought it ended up this way?
And who would have told you? You’d have turned away

It’s relentless
Lord it’s endless
It’s out for blood
And it cares for you
It can tear through you
It’s out for blood
You can see through it
You believe in it
It’s in your blood
And it’s after you
It’s all that you can do
You’re out for blood

Reflections on a year of new music:

 width= I listen to these songs more than anybody. I listen to them far more than any musician will admit he listens to his own work. Sometimes I think I’m merely writing the songs that I want to hear just in case nobody else writes them. As I’ve gotten closer to today I have been listening to them more and more. I think I’ve been listening for something, but I’m not sure what it is. When I think about this project I feel tremendously overwhelmed. It only takes a cursory listen to these songs to understand that I am a man of much emotional conflict. I have worn my heart on my sleeve throughout the last year not because that is what a project of this magnitude demands, but because the circumstances of my heart have demanded that I attempt a project of such magnitude.

These songs are how I mark the time, and time is what this week’s song is all about. Before I decided to write a song every week, I admit I was truly lost. I had no anchor to speak of. I had no way of measuring and appreciating the moments of my life, and therefore I did not feel the urgency to fill them with experiences that might define me. As a result I lived my life carelessly, uninterested in my future or in the people that might populate it. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism. Perhaps if I looked forward to nothing and attempted little of consequence, I wouldn’t disappoint myself or others in the event of failure. What a disappointment I became! What a pathetic way to spend time! What a mistake! But I love that mistake, because it was the mistake that lead to desperation, and desperation lead me to try something I was immediately afraid to do.

I was terrified on the night that I decided I would do this project. Every bit of me screamed “but you could fail!” And every bit of me screamed in retaliation “If that’s what matters to you, you already have failed!” And I think that was the day that I finally grew up. This project has been a narrative of self discovery, and it isn’t over yet. I haven’t yet become the best person that I can be, and since that is such a lofty and unattainable goal I think I will be marking time in this way into the foreseeable future. It is important to mark the time; to take stock. Time is out to get us. It’s out for blood, so we must be equally tenacious. That is the lesson that I have learned.

To be candid, I am awash with emotion today, and among the most overwhelming is certainly gratitude. I feel such immense gratitude toward those who have helped and those who have listened. I know that I haven’t won an award, or cured a major disease, but I would love to run through a list of people who I wish to thank. However, I am not going to do that. The list is too long to write, and I would be terrified to leave somebody off of it. To those that belong on the list: I would like to think that I have told most of you personally how something you have done has enabled me to inhabit this project. I think you know who you are. Specifically I would love to thank my parents who have given me the most precious gift I have ever received which has been their love and understanding.

Finally, many people have asked me “what are you going to do when you reach a year and your project is over?” To these people I reply as kindly as I can with a blank stare and utter bewilderment. To clarify one final time: nothing is over. I haven’t finished a thing.

Here’s hoping your Monday doesn’t totally suck.

And just for fun…
Press Play
Week 1: First Impression

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7 thoughts on “Week 52 // How I Learned To Love My Mistake (Out For Blood)

  1. Jesse, i dont know what it was about this week, but something about it did it for me. I dont know if it was the exceptionally good reflection (even by your standards) or the solos that were as BB King as indy rock can be, or the long drawn out ending, but listening to your music i cant help hear how you’ve grown as a musician and a person since week one, I’m just sad i didnt get to see all of it. To break my usual pattern, I chose Hal Jordan this week, one of my new favorite heros, whos greatest power is to overcome his fear of loss or failure. Reading this weeks blog, i realized how much guts it took just to get off the ground, and you did that in spades. Heres to a year of mondays sucking less and channeling your inner Hal Jordan

  2. Jesse,

    I listened back to the week 1 song and it is truly incredible to hear your progression over time. This year’s work can be measured not only by the weeks and songs created but by the sound and audience you are capturing. There is true growth in your recording technique, song writing, rhythmic dynamics and the lyrics, oh man! the lyrics! I would also add that this growth in your craft has also shaped you as a person. I haven’t seen you so happy and focused on something this important to you in a long time. I have seen such positive progression from you. I am really excited to hear what comes from you over the course of this next year and to continue to offer my help and support.

    Keep kicking Monday’s ass with you rock blog-o-sphere

  3. One year and 52 great songs. What an accomplishment! The esay this week gives meaning to the whole experience that is authentic for all of us who find bits of truth about ourselves in your art. You have now made a whole year not suck! Keep it up for all of us who need a little fix of common sense with some nice guitar, bass and occasional piano harmonizing to prevent sucking.

  4. Jesse,
    Congrats on week fifty-two. I know it doesn’t end here for you and I hope you will keep doing this for a long time because I love to listen. Thanks for all the effort it is much appreciated.

  5. Congratulations of one great year of music, Jesse. I am in awe of your drive and focus on your craft, and am so very proud of you!

  6. This is actually one of the best songs ever. The piano counter melody is so handsome, especially how you start working with it, then move against it. And lyrically, after following you on this little journey I can’t help feel moved and excited for you. Mostly on the choruses, because the verses tend to be about doubt and what all the bullshit was like before, and then the chorus reminds you that change is a beautiful, yet often painful thing. And dude! That second pre-chorus! “Who’d of know it’d end up this way…” what a badass energizer for the song. It’s out of nowhere, really, and makes sense in structure, but it is so unbelievably vital. Good ear on that one. Also, I like how the lead guitar takes the counter melody – I would also vote for more ripping solo, but that is just me. Seriously, congrats on this one, and all the others that are good.

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